Hoist the Flag

Click to send… and I’m outta here.

Being the infamous fairy tale ‘Jack’ isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. My entire life has been a series of memes—before they were even invented!

My current ‘Jack’ title is companion to the Ice Queen—who spent the first couple of years singing that song—but my sentence here is almost over. I’m going to make a run for it to retire with my shaker of salt on an island in the Caribbean while I drink piña coladas.

Before I leave, I realize my heart wasn’t as frozen as I thought and I have to save Queenie from her evil sister. We make a plan to escape together after the Yule celebration, but even that falls victim to my legendary bad luck.

Enter two bumbling pirates who were playing Robin Hood, a monkey, and a sea voyage to our permanent hiding place…only to trip over a bottle on the beach that contains a mysterious map to a legendary graveyard filled with famous treasure the moment we arrive.

My spill draws the attention of our pirate friends and two other local hotties who can’t resist damsels in distress.

Insert eyeroll here. 

My girl and I didn’t ask to be conscripted on an adventure with two shifter pirates, a masseuse, a demi-god, and a merman who think we’re on the menu, but here we are.

Maybe I should have taken the Ice Queen’s musical advice when I first arrived ?

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Yo Ho Holes

𝗠𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗹𝗲𝘀, 𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗽, 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗿 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝗻𝗼𝗻-𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗮.

How did Ol’ Blue Eyes put it? That’s life?

Really, how could I know blackmailing some random pirate hotties into letting us hitch a ride to Tenerife would go so wrong? 

No one expects an Aqueous Mission!

Fate has a funny way of testing us, and our first stop on this unexpected journey is none other than the Bermuda Triangle. The motley crew of The Salty Swallow—Jorgie, Levi, Kael, Dash, and Ace—swear up and down that they’ll get me to that elusive magical hotspot, but I can’t help but have my doubts.

Because what’s a quest for the God of the Sea without a shipwreck, right?

If we can navigate these treacherous waters without sinking, avoid the ire of the cantankerous Captain Jorgie, and prevent Queenie from adopting one of these charming scallywags, I might just have to eat my hat.

Fortunately, the cargo hold is stocked with more rum than food, and with these pirates, that’s saying something.

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!

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